Going to run with the wolves.

I've been christened and blessed. I've been told I'll find my way to God. It's far too uncertain a path to travel, thank you very much. A lot of people claim to have "found God" in their most desperate times of need. If that's the case, I really don't think I'm ever going to find such an entity. Besides, I probably wouldn't let myself anyway, purely on principle. I don't know if I believe this. I don't know if I believe what I harp on about, but I have to believe something, don't I? It's social etiquette. It's my responsibility as a contributing conversationalist to have a belief. And to fight tooth and nail for that belief. Is there an in-between?

I can't be bothered with the confusion you make me feel. So I'm not trying. I don't feel safe in your space. So I'm not going there again. If you don't want a relationship and you know you can't give what it is needed, why embark on such a quest? Was it the thrill of the chase? I'm thinking it was. But don't confuse my confusion with care. I don't care. I'm too busy to care. I have things to do, people to see. And I'm not playing your mind games. As much as you say you know who you are, I really don't think you do. And in saying that, by no means do I claim that knowledge for myself. I know well that I don't know. That's an interesting statement. To know that you don't know. It's almost contradictory. Because I don't know, so how can I know? You can't really know anything, I believe. (!) There I am again, with my beliefs. Shallow, hollow beliefs, based purely on words strung together in an orderly and convincing fashion by authors recommended to me by people I admire. I guess that gives them value. I just like to devalue myself.

You should imagine seeing my name in lights. In fact, you should plan on it. You there! And I'm totally gonna ask for a bowl filled ONLY with red Skittles.

I don't disappoint myself anymore. I am disappointed in you though. I'll always claim that I'm something I'm not, because I don't know yet if it's true. I am what I am. You are what you are. And this is never going to work.