I can't be left alone right now. I'm terrified right now. Of what? I don't know. There's too much to do. And I'm going to fail. It's self talk isn't it? I'm telling myself this. You create your own stuff. I'm creating this. I don't want to do this. I'm here again. Thought it was gone. But that's it isn't it? It's never going away. Ever.
It's "what is the point?" time. And who do I go to with this feeling? I've finished D&A Counselling. I should just be through with this. Is it an ever lasting process? Am I going to live in fear forever. And it's actually my fault. Because it's all just one big fat stupid choice. And then people are just angry because I don't help myself. But I just don't know what to do with it. And I'm stricken with guilt all the time. Now! Now, as he cleans and tidies as a show of action; a show of doing; a show of responsibility. Why aren't I there? Why can't I be okay? Haha, it's are you okay? day. And I'm really not okay today. I was okay the day before yesterday. And the thing that gets me is that shit happens when I'm off track. And how did I get off track? Changing jobs? If I wasn't supposed to do that it wouldn't have happened.
No comments:
Post a Comment